I think I'm growing a beard.

Can you imagine what it would be like to play Cluedo with Sherlock Holmes? You'd just sit down, set everything up and then he'd immediately announce who had done it, what you had for breakfast and that your girlfriend is having an affair with a chartered accountant from Chichester.

Poirot would be worse, I suppose. Twiddling his moustache and speaking in broken English so that nobody understands him. Any of the CSI lead characters would be worse still, constantly doing one-liners and trying to spray the little dagger with glow-in-the-dark magic blood-detecting Dettol.

Picture the scene: our heroes are having a simple game of Cluedo. With Horatio Cain from CSI:Miami.


Player 1: I suggest it was Colonel Mustard, in the drawing room with the revolver.

Cain: Sounds like someone [puts on sunglasses] drew a revolver on the good Colonel.

Player 1: That's not what a drawing room is for. Can you disprove it or not?

Cain: Not yet, but I know you're lying. [takes off sunglasses] The evidence will tell us all we need to know.

Player 2: Uh... right. Miss Scarlet, in the billiard room with the candlestick.

Cain: As the old saying goes, [takes off sunglasses having put them on while no one was looking] you can't play billiards with a candlestick.

Player 2: ...

Player 1: What the hell?


I've never actually played Cluedo, with or without fictional characters. I haven't watched CSI in ages either but now I'm inspired to, merely so I can mock it. Not Miami though. I lost interest in that show after I saw the episode where a tidal wave or something is used in a robbery and the whole thing ends with the chief scientist (and I, along with the CSI production staff, use the term loosely) driving through an exploding building in a Hummer trying to rescue a hostage who's been put there because... I can't remember if there was a reason.


That's all I've got for today. Tomorrow, I'll tell you why it's a bad idea to play Monopoly with... I can't think of a fictional character who's renowned for business skill. Ideas, people? Also, ideas for New Word Thursday would help since Skippy seems to have dropped it. He's busy redefining the paradigm of the Intertubes or something.


Corbett's log, additional: I just got an email from Skippy saying that his iMac has died, "literally". While the apparent misuse of "literally" bugs me, this could be a major problem for various reasons. I'm getting details now. I'll relay them tomorrow, if needs be. It will also likely come up on the MacTake.