TWToday 4.0 (Live Free or Die TWToday in the US)
I'll start by pointing out that Die Hard 4.0 (Live Free or Die Hard in the US) is a very good film. It follows the standard pattern of "terrorists attack - terrorists piss off Bruce Willis - Bruce Willis kills everybody". Stick with what works, I say.
In between all the explosions and the jet fighters and the exploding jet fighters, they actually have some semblance of a plot. The way that they treat computers bugs me a little but that's more a general gripe with the film industry than with Die Hard alone. There was one particular point where, when a large data storage facility came under attack, it was said that the bad guys could copy financial data on to a portable hard drive and take all the money they wanted. Now, I'm no computer expert, but I reckon that if you have a giant server farm large enough to require cooling towers, you can't copy all the data on it on to a portable hard drive.
Anyway, I've little else to say for tonight so I give you a short sketch that I wrote earlier, fulfilling one of the requirements of my to do list.
Enemy: You'll never get me now, hero-boy!
Hero: You can run, but rest assured, I shall chase you to the ends of the smurf!
Enemy: You can try- [realises what's just been said]. Wait, what?
Hero: I said, I'll chase you to the ends of the Earth.
Enemy: No you didn't. You said "smurf".
Hero: Smurf? I never said that!
Enemy: Oh yes, you did. You stood right there and said "I'll chase you to the ends of the smurf".
Hero: Well, what the hell is that supposed to mean? "ends of the smurf"?!
Enemy: You said it not me. Maybe it was some kind of Freudian thing.
Hero: How could it be Freudian? There's no such thing as a smurf.
Enemy: Yes, there is. They're the little blue guys on early morning TV. It's an old kids show.
Hero: Is it? So when I said I'd chase you to the ends of the smurf, I must have meant...
Enemy: That you'd hunt me until your favourite show was over?
Hero: No, if it was my favourite show I'd hunt you until it began, take a short break and then resume my course of vengeance. I was just talking nonsense.
Enemy: Well, that's what you get for not paying attention. And you've ruined it now, you know. The drama of the moment.
Hero: I know, I know. But, really, "ends of the smurf"... ridiculous.
In between all the explosions and the jet fighters and the exploding jet fighters, they actually have some semblance of a plot. The way that they treat computers bugs me a little but that's more a general gripe with the film industry than with Die Hard alone. There was one particular point where, when a large data storage facility came under attack, it was said that the bad guys could copy financial data on to a portable hard drive and take all the money they wanted. Now, I'm no computer expert, but I reckon that if you have a giant server farm large enough to require cooling towers, you can't copy all the data on it on to a portable hard drive.
Anyway, I've little else to say for tonight so I give you a short sketch that I wrote earlier, fulfilling one of the requirements of my to do list.
[our hero has won the fight but his mortal enemy is about to escape]
Enemy: You'll never get me now, hero-boy!
Hero: You can run, but rest assured, I shall chase you to the ends of the smurf!
Enemy: You can try- [realises what's just been said]. Wait, what?
Hero: I said, I'll chase you to the ends of the Earth.
Enemy: No you didn't. You said "smurf".
Hero: Smurf? I never said that!
Enemy: Oh yes, you did. You stood right there and said "I'll chase you to the ends of the smurf".
Hero: Well, what the hell is that supposed to mean? "ends of the smurf"?!
Enemy: You said it not me. Maybe it was some kind of Freudian thing.
Hero: How could it be Freudian? There's no such thing as a smurf.
Enemy: Yes, there is. They're the little blue guys on early morning TV. It's an old kids show.
Hero: Is it? So when I said I'd chase you to the ends of the smurf, I must have meant...
Enemy: That you'd hunt me until your favourite show was over?
Hero: No, if it was my favourite show I'd hunt you until it began, take a short break and then resume my course of vengeance. I was just talking nonsense.
Enemy: Well, that's what you get for not paying attention. And you've ruined it now, you know. The drama of the moment.
Hero: I know, I know. But, really, "ends of the smurf"... ridiculous.
[short pause]
[our hero shoots his mortal enemy]
[our hero shoots his mortal enemy]
posted by Alasdair Corbett at
10:41 PM
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