Captain's Blog 2: The Wrath of Spanners

Another day, another crazy email from Sam. Tested some of that retro bundle that I got yesterday; the Acorn Electron seems to work, though it would be better if I could get my old TV to tune to it properly.

I bought a load of Doctor Who books while in Glasgow this morning. Nothing particularly interesting but Erin spent most of the last few days memorising the TV series companions in chronological order and almost wept when she realised that there were others in the expanded universe.

Speaking of science fiction...


Begin recording.

"Captain's blog for today. We're still in orbit around Z138-Delta, awaiting a response to our report of high mineral content in the local asteroid belt. On the basis that, bureaucracy being what it is, we're probably going to be here for a while, I've sent Commander Darrell down to the planets surface with a scouting party to investigate a series of ruins on a southern subcontinent. We think that they might be the remains of an Sh'ladon colony, judging from the architecture. Since it's something of a hobby for Lieutenant Harper, I've allowed him to go down with Darrell and the red shirts to see what they can study.

Spanners is still out in the asteroid belt with shuttle 5. When last contacted, he was doing a space walk with a hammer and chisel to extract a sample from a large 'roid. That was... 12-ish hours ago. I've sent shuttle 4 with Science Officer Mendel to back him up in the unlikely event that he completely fouls up his ridiculous little jaunt. I've told Mendel not to hurry since if he is drifting he's got plenty of oxygen and time to contemplate his actions.

Ensign Tarvek is temporarily in command of Engineering. I'm not sure why Spanners assigned such a junior officer but he tells me that it was because she's "damned good at Monopoly, for such a young lass". I decided not to pry further for the sake of my sanity. That said, everything down in the bowels seems to be running smoothly.

With the exception of that pipe under my quarters. It has ceased to drip now but whatever was running through it apparently goes bad, judging from the smell. I've had Minx run a scan and it appears to be non-toxic, thus leaving why it set off the automatic alarms something of a mystery. Ensign Tarvek says she'll have it looked into as soon as she can contact Spanners and get the access codes for the air recyc. system. In the meantime, I'm sleeping in the corridor. It's rather undignified but it was either that or open the doors and vent the deck.

I think that about wraps it up...

Oh, other than following up that thievery report. I've been keeping track of what things have been going missing and where. It seems it started after that visit to Tarsus Station. I'm cross-referencing with shore leave and baggage reports... which is taking a while since Minx is in a huff. I don't understand precisely why but then I'm just the captain, why should anyone explain things to me?

I don't know why I bother."

Recording terminated.


Some more from the Captain and his crew there. I'm going to stick this up now, since I'm running out of time and ideas.

As a last minute link, anyone who's swallowed something toxic and needs to vomit should take a look at this video. Pre-teen Lara Croft... it's unholy.

Captain's Blog

It occurs to me that for about the first four hours after I get out of bed (and thus the first six hours after I wake up), I am a useless shambling wreck.


I've just watched Hyperdrive (not a bad show, could be better but has potential and some good moments) so I've decided to have a shot at writing some sci-fi humour of my own for half an hour.


Begin recording.

"Captain's blog for Tuesday the... oh, why do I bother dating these things? It's all timestamped on the index file anyway. Uh, where was I?

Ah, yes. Nothing very much happening today, just the usual interstellar dust clouds amongst vast, bleak emptiness. Commander Darrell requested that we alter our heading to rendezvous with a proto-star system so that he can get some photos for his little niece's school science project. He showed me some pictures of her, lovely little girl. Talented too, according to Darrell, though even he admits he's biased. Heh.

It's a few light years of course but we've got standing orders to investigate scientific phenomenon and nothing much better to do so I've had Minx adjust the ship's heading. ETA is... well, it was 16 hours at... and that was what? Hour and a half... no, two and a... ummm... I was never any good at time.

We should get there sometime tomorrow, is the important point.

Ensign Tarvek is still settling into Engineering. Spanners says she'll be fine after a few days getting to know where everything goes and who everyone is. Poor girl seems a little shy. Spanner's jury-rigged systems probably aren't helping much, they take a bit of getting used to. Doc tells me that it was only a minor electrical burn but Spanners is reluctant to tell me why reactor output has been routed through the data ports. See their individual reports for details, if you must know more.

That reminds me, I need to get one of Spanners' maintenance monkeys to fix that coolant pipe running beneath my quarters. Damn thing won't stop dripping. I've asked twice but it'd be faster if I just trained actual monkeys in spaceship mechanics. I've a good mind to pry up the floorboards myself and fix it myself but I can't find my wrench.

Which leads me to the spate of petty thievery onboard. I have some suspicions as to who's doing it but I don't want official records until I'm certain. Trying to nail it down but someone's taken my hammer, too. Heh.

What else...

Oh! That new safety video from Fleet Command arrived. Scheduled a showing in the mess hall on Thursday evening, should be able to catch most people. I'll have Minx shut down the auto-chefs in the crew's quarters, they'll have to show up. They'll hate it but the regs say that they have to be warned about... where is it... ah, The Many Dangers of Low Gravity Snooker. High Command really are getting desperate, aren't they?

Command input: delete previous sentence.... no that's not it.... Computer, erase previous statement... no, I mean the last three statements. Four!

Oh, nuts to it, nobody listens to these things anyway. Might give a 37th century archaeologist a laugh if we fall into that proto-star and the black box datacore survives.

End blog. Cease. Desist. Cancel. Exit program. Come on, one of these must work. Bloody Spanners and his firmware updates... I don't know why I bother..."

Recording Terminated.

"Cute, Spanners. Real cute."


A slice of space-life with the Captain there. Might develop this a bit further, since I've had some interesting ideas while writing it. Interestingly, it has taken about half an hour, as I predicted.


In other news, does anyone know what causes a problem with Skype that ends calls after 5-8 minutes? Might be to do with the contention ratio of my ISP, which I suspect is rather high. I've been thinking of changing it for a while but no one wants to hear it. Meh.

This sort of thing normally sorts itself out.